I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize