It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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