One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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