God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
