She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
