He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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