I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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