I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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