'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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