I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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