Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
