smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Life is so much better after having sex.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
