In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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