Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
