Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
