so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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