On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
