Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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