Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
