i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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