Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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