question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
