when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
