On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
