Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
