I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
