East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
