I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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