im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
