he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
