I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize