I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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