just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
