I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
