I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
