Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize