so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize