My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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