Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
