i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
