R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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