I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
