OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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