I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I need water and some morals
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
