I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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