yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
