So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
