the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You dont lie about slip and slides
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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