I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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