we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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