fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
