All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Couch. On fire.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
