just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
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