I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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