Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize