apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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