Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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