I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
