I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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