I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Randomize
