I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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