ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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