Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
