his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
