tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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