I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
