Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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