I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
