one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize