I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
