I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
