roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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