On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
